In The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien writes of Gollum’s relationship with the One Ring: “He hated it and loved it…He could not get rid of it. He had no will left in the matter.” A new survey suggests something similar has happened with Generation Z and another powerfully addictive object: the smart phone, especially when it functions as a portal to social media.

Writing in The New York Times, psychologist and author Jonathan Haidt details a recent Harris poll of over a thousand 18- to 27-year-olds about their experience with and attitudes toward technology. The most shocking finding was that around half of Gen Z wishes social media platforms like TikTok and X didn’t exist. 

Considering 60% of Gen Z adults spend at least four hours a day on social media and a further 23% spend seven or more hours daily, that’s remarkable. But it makes perfect sense when you realize that people can dislike something and still be addicted to it. As Haidt wrote: 

Feelings of regret or resentment are common with addictive products (cigarettes, for example) and addictive activities like gambling, even if most users say they enjoy them. 

Though the members of Gen Z in this survey were all adults, their insights are still valuable. Recall that they were the first generation of “digital natives”—those who never knew a world before smart phones or other internet-capable mobile devices. Perhaps that explains why eight in 10 associate social media with the word “addicting,” and a third said they use it out of “force of habit.” Considering how early many of these kids were handed a screen, they never stood a chance.   

In his book The Anxious Generation, Haidt recalls the gut-punch moment when his young daughter approached him and said, “Daddy, can you take the iPad away from me? I’m trying to take my eyes off it, but I can’t.” He goes on to show that the addictive power of smart phones and social media is a feature, not a bug. They were designed to do this.  

But it’s not just the addictive quality of sites like X and TikTok that leave young people wishing they could quit. There’s also something innately unhealthy about these platforms, especially for the young. 37% of respondents to the survey said that social media had a negative impact on their emotional health. Women in particular (44%) were likely to feel this way. And incredibly, 60% of respondents said social media has had a negative impact on society—nearly twice the number who said it has had a positive impact. 

A look at the two sites Gen Z hates the most suggests explanations. X has long been known as “the ultimate cancellation machine,” a place where people’s careers and reputations are often ruined by a foolish post, and where one-liners and mobs trump rational discussion. TikTok’s endless feed of quick videos infamously deadens users’ ability to enjoy real life, and turns mental health problems into social contagions.  

Ultimately, these toxic effects arise from social media’s tendency to reward users’ worst impulses and to train them to think and act in a disembodied way. This is harmful because we’re embodied beings, designed to have relationships mediated by our bodies. When we remove them from the picture, our social interactions become that much less human.   

Podcaster Patrick Miller summed it up well when he wrote on X (where else?): “Our children are begging us to rescue them from the technology we created and gave them.” It’s time we listened.  

Thankfully, a majority of Gen Z already supports common sense measures to get the “phone-based childhood” under control. Six in 10 young adults favor a parent restricting their child’s access to smartphones until high school, and nearly half said they would place this restriction on their own child. Imagine the next generation of children freer from the weight of screens. Cool.  

These are very close to Haidt’s own recommendations based on years of research into childhood development. And they open the possibility of parents, neighborhoods, churches, and schools reviving what he calls the “play-based childhood.” Or as my generation called it simply, “childhood.” 

Gen Z souring on social media is good news. It coincides with other hopeful signs of a backlash against addictive tech. But at the rate this stuff advances, time is critical. If kids who haven’t yet gotten hooked are going to stand a chance, we need a better vision of childhood, a clearer idea of where screens fit into it, and a cultural shift back toward embodied relationships. The fact that half of digital natives wish the biggest social media sites didn’t exist is the clearest cry for help I can imagine. Like a certain Ring, this stuff has a mind of its own. Let’s not let it steal another generation’s ability to look away.